Death is a Joke in the World of Assassination

We’ve murdered many digital folks. Sometimes, it can be so ridiculous that it makes you laugh. Doesn’t matter how gory, unpleasant or cruel it might be on the surface, the fine line between a good horror shot and a good comedy shot is often blurred into nonexistence in these moments.

What kind of sicko laughs at a murder? 

We do!

Horror’s relationship with murder is built not only on how terrifying and disturbing that can be, but just on how fucking funny it can be. Don’t believe me? In horror, you only have to look at some of the grisly kills of Jason Voorhees, Art the Clown, and even Patrick Bateman, to know how true it is.

Nowhere is the act of murder more gleeful than when it’s happening to people who absolutely deserve it. In a film that’s the weaselly guy, the corporate stooge, the all-around shitheel. You know their comeuppance is going to be glorious and that’s as close to guilt-free as that act can be.

So it should be no surprise then that IO Interactive’s Hitman is essentially a theater of justifiable, hilarious death wearing the stoniest of faces. Which only makes it funnier.

The modern Hitman trilogy has just been rebranded Hitman: World of Assassination and collects everything that was in the three games together, and even throws in a new roguelike mode. 21 sandbox locations are present and each one is a festival of highly enjoyable murder for hire.

There are campaign targets that have multiple routes to be killed and then there’s the wider player-led contracts side of things where anyone can be a target and the parameters can range from fast and loose to frighteningly specific. The level of creativity in Hitman is astounding, and the ceiling for darkly comedic death is so high, kites are afraid to go there.

So I thought I’d share some of my favorite forms of murder in Agent 47’s world.

The Toilet Drowning aka the Death Swirlie

One of the most tried and trusted methods for killing a target somewhere secluded is to spike their food or drink with a little rat poison and then follow them to the bathroom as they chuck up their insides. 

And what better way to lower their dignity further than sneaking up behind them and forcing their head into a toilet bowl filled with their own retchings? Who wouldn’t want the corrupt and powerful to literally eat shit and die?

You’d Drown in a Puddle

If you go somewhere in Hitman like Haven Island in the Maldives, there’s an opportunity for the stupidest drowning of all. It’s likely you’ll find someone is just having a little paddle in the sea, watching the shoals of little fish flitting between their legs, and having the best holiday until Agent 47 turns up and knocks them out cold with a coconut. The unsuspecting victim drowns in a few inches of seawater. Let’s see if the Death in Paradise lot makes sense of that one.

Lights Out For You!

Few accidental deaths in Hitman are as ACME-coated as dropping a large object on someone’s head. It could be a chandelier. It could be rigging for a fashion show. It doesn’t matter. Squashing some heel under a large object is only missing the whistling sound effect as the object descends rapidly to make friends with your target’s bonce.

Dartmoor’s Carlisle Mansion has one of the most extravagant examples of this. A massive fixture made of antlers just so happens to be above the room where the Carlise family is meeting.

Dangerous Golf

In both the Sapienza and Dubai missions comes an opportunity to take out a sleazy prick of a target by messing with their favorite recreational activity. With the help of an explosive golf ball switcheroo, you too can see a grown man fly.

In the Dubai mission it’s a masterclass in harassment as 47 has to push his target into playing golf by stressing him out first. 

All of the Lights!

The masterpiece of murder in this particular category comes at the Berlin club level. After tampering with an already suspect light show hanging above a walkway in the rave club, 47 can don the guise of the DJ and play out a set (rather well too). As the set reaches its climax, and two of the targets are in place on that walkway, the light show begins and torches the duo.


Hungry, Hungry Hippo

When Hitman 2 heads to the fictional Colombian town of Santa Fortuna and asks you to eliminate a cartel leader known as Rico Delgado, the first puzzle is simply getting inside his well-fortified homestead. Once in there, there’s plenty of options to off him, including stabbing him with a tattoo needle. The best and funniest though is assuming the role of an animal whisperer.

You see, Rico owns a sad Hippo that just so happens to have a taste for human flesh. Rico is worried the animal isn’t eating right, and has hired a hippo whisperer to sort out the problem. Taking over this role and telling Rico the Hippo is doing better leads to the cartel man going to see his favorite pet and leaving 47 with plenty of time to shove Delgado into the hippo’s enclosure.

You Better Watch Out

Hitman: Blood Money is a series high point, with some of the most interesting levels and most devious kills. And in Better Watch Out, the mission takes place in a swanky mansion carved into the side of a mountain. Oh and it’s Christmas, so there are naturally killer Santa shenanigans to be had. But the most teasing thing on this level is the hot tub with a glass bottom. It just so happens to sit above a really high drop, and wouldn’t you know it? You can get underneath it!

When 47 ‘pulls the plug’ on his porn tycoon target in this manner, the drop is quite spectacularly amusing. Wear the Santa suit for extra effect.