Defying Decency, Reason, and God Itself, POSTAL 4: NO REGERTS Launches on Steam Early Access

When I woke up this afternoon and saw an email in my inbox with Postal 4 in the headline, I thought my spam filter had fucked up. 24 hours ago, I would have stated with 100% certainty that we’d never see a Postal 4. Postal 3 had shit the bed too hard, and Running With Scissors was nothing more than a mob front used to launder a moderate sum of illegal funds. And frankly, I think they will appreciate me saying that. Postal 2 has a well-deserved legacy as one of the most over-the-top, absurd, offensive, janky, yet ultimately charming games ever made. I remember fondly a much younger Ted loading up my shotgun with a cat silencer, knocking off heads with a shovel, then pissing on the corpse. Despite the headline-grabbing content, the game was also a stellar example of early openworld game design. In a time before FarCry and Assassin’s Creed, Postal 2 was giving you vague objectives and letting you figure out how to get it done. Do you stand in line at the bank, or just say screw it and rob the place?

Postal 3, on the other hand, was a shitfest. Don’t take my word for it. Vince Desi, the founder of Running With Scissors, described the whole ordeal as a shitfest in 2013. Postal 3 is one of the worst games I have ever played, and not in the way many fans describe Postal 2 as “the worst game ever.” It is sickeningly unfunny and shallow.

So when I opened my bleary eyes and peered into the endless maw that is my inbox at the tender hour of 12:30 pm, I felt mixed dread, wonder, and bafflement that Postal 4 was coming. Not only coming, but already available in Early Access. I watched the trailer with bated breath. And the game looked… just like Postal 2. Which is a good thing. Fans of Postal want wanton senseless violence and emergent comedy. Postal 4 looks to deliver.

If you want to know more, here’s the official press release:

“POSTAL 4: No Regerts®, an over-the-top comedic first-person shooter and the next entry in Running With Scissors’ classic franchise enjoyed by millions, sets the Postal Dude and his trusty companion Champ onto Steam Early Access today.
Powered by Unreal Engine 4®, POSTAL 4: No Regerts delivers what fans of POSTAL 2, fondly dubbed “The Worst Game Ever™”, enjoyed most with an open-world sandbox offering a high degree of freedom, hilarious gameplay, and a ridiculous armory of weapons. Shooting everyone and everything is always an option. There is a reason POSTAL 2 was once the lightning-rod of controversy for politicians around the world.

The down-on-his-luck Postal Dude, now voiced by famous Duke Nukem actor Jon St. John, and his furry friend, Champ, drive aimlessly through the scorching deserts of Arizona in search of a new place to call home. After his car, trailer, iconic trench coat, and everything else he owns is stole, all the Dude’s got left is Champ and his bathrobe, and neither of them smells all that great. On the horizon, the duo glimpses Edensin, a gambling town on the Mexican border ripe with untapped opportunity and perhaps the chance of winning big.

Set across five days, each morning brings new main errands and a host of side quests. Edensin has plenty of honest work available, and the Dude can make it through without hurting a living thing. But be forewarned, a day in the life of the Postal Dude rarely goes without a hitch. Even a simple request to clean crap-clogged pipes can lead to a nasty battle with sewer crocs!

Returning weapons range from the Shovel, Shotgun, Gas Can, and the famous boomerang Machete. Brandish new weapons like the AK and give them the familiar POSTAL twist with power-ups such as the classic Cat Silencer, the slow motion-inducing Catnip, and the dual-wielding Energy Drink. Set traps and unleash feathered chaos with the new Pigeon Mine. A Mop might seem like a poor choice for a fight, but when under the influence of Vitamin X, a simple twirl can deflect enemy bullets.

Pick up some dog treats to summon Champ or other canines to do the dirty work. Jump on a Mobility Scooter to zip around town. Get truly creative with the Spurt’n’Squirt water gun: Fill it with water to put out fires, gasoline to create an improvised flamethrower, or urine to shower Edensin’s residents. Speaking of which, prepare yourself for the bizarre town factions like the Wipe Militant, a Game of Thrones-obsessed cult proclaiming the virtues of toilet paper over the Mayor’s bidet obsession, and even Mariachi Luchadores who’ve secured the Mexican border against illegal American immigrants.

Running With Scissors is doing something very different this time around and releasing POSTAL 4: No Regerts in a pre-beta state on Steam’s Early Access. RWS is looking for the support and feedback from its wild community that has loyally followed them through Hell and back all of these years.

“After years of fans hounding us for a true sequel to ‘The Worst Game Ever™,’ we’re ready to release a taste of what we’ve been working on, but beware, Here Be Goblins. This is a vertical slice of Monday only, and we’d love the community’s help and support,” said Vince Desi, founder of Running With Scissors. “We want to make sure we don’t pump a dump (aka Postal III) here, so we’re including the fans. We work for them, and I want them to be involved from now to completion.”“

If you want to check Postal 4 out, you can head over to Steam now and pick it up. I know I will.