New Doom Eternal Trailer Reminds Us That Angels Can Be Dicks Too

I’ll admit, I’m no expert on the DOOM lore. The extent of my knowledge is that the Doom Slayer really hates demons and is somehow related to the guy from Wolfenstein. That’s canon, look it up. I also remember something in DOOM (2016) about a dude who’s also a robot trying to harvest hell and turn it into a power plant. I’m guessing that didn’t go to well, because A) obviously it wouldn’t, and B) there’s a sequel. I doubt that DOOM Eternal would just be about how Mr. Roboto’s infrastructure plan went really well and now the Doom Slayer is able to pursue his real dream of extreme sculpting.

Oh no, I guess your plan to turn the souls of the damned into lightbulbs didn’t go as planned

I also remember something from DOOM Eternal‘s E3 trailer about levels that looked distinctively not like hell. They had that techno-heaven vibe that we saw in Darksiders and Diablo 3. With this new trailer, we get to see more of this heaven-like area. And from what I can tell, it ain’t so heavenly. These celestial creatures seem content to just let Earth get curb stomped by demons. Something about humanity’s wickedness and the balance of powers. Whatever, in the world of DOOM, only one guy gets to curb stomp. We all know who that is.

It’s this guy

I’m not usually so lax on my contextual recapping of trailers, but I feel it fits. This is DOOM Eternal. The previous game started by the main character punching a computer monitor for daring to explain the plot. The only reason the angels matter is that they’re also something I can tear in half with my meaty fists of fury. Unfortunately, we don’t get to see you actually fight any angels in the trailer. But hey, they’re in a DOOM game. Chances are, you’ll be able to kill them. That being said, there are plenty of other things that die in the trailer. Like this guy:

A jaw-droppingly good lobotomy!

And this guy!

Always remember to sever directly at the neck for the most mountable heads

And plenty of others. We all know you’ll be buying DOOM Eternal. So go ahead and click the link here to check out the game on Steam. The game will be ready March 20th (unless it gets delayed again) for PC, Xbox One, and PS4. The game will also be releasing on the Switch at a later date. If you pre-order now, you’ll get access to all the lovely content pictured below. Also available is a Collector’s Edition, which comes with a helmet that totally looks like that and why would you ever even ask that question.

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